Sheldon wakes up from his deep sleep with a jolt. For the fourth night in a row he has he has been plagued with nightmares. All involving strapping shirtless firemen spiriting his fiancé away from him. It was his fault , he hadn’t forbade Amy from engaging in such activities . Amy had even told him exactly what she expected out of her evening and he had done nothing to stop it.
In all honesty he had hoped that Penny would have kept her away from such unsavory characters. It had been his ace in the hole. Penny had discussed her idea of the quilting bee with him and he had whole heartedly agreed. He felt no need to place restrictions on her because He knew Penny’s plan but her nowhere near the greased up gyrating mailmen of her fantasies. Sheldon wondered how the tame evening Penny had out lined to him. Had taken such a odd turn. Somehow Penny was to blame in all this. He could not lose anymore sleep over it and he intended to give Penny a piece of his mind. As soon as it reaches an hour he knows Penny is awake, he rushes over to her apartment.
“Why did you let Amy river dance with shirtless firemen?” He asks Penny angrily, as he bursts into her living room.
“Sheldon.” Penny starts in a placating tone.
“Don’t Sheldon me!”
“Why are you yelling at me?”
“You told me you were giving her a tame evening filled with tea and quilting.”How did yours plans change so drastically?
“We tried the quilting party and Amy wasn’t happy with it. Like really unhappy with it. So the plans changed.”
“I’d say so! You let my fiancé do a sexy River dance in front of hoards of semi-nude fire prevention professionals.”
“None of that actually happened.” Penny sighs.
“Don’t lie. Amy showed me her seductive moves. How could you let this happen?”
“What happened was, Amy passed out at the bar after two shots. So to make her feel better we made some stuff up. See look this is what really happened.” Amy tells him as she pulls out her phone and shows him pictures of his passed out fiancé.
“Why did you lie to her?” He asks his anger fading away.
“We didn’t want too! But she was so disappointed in her tea and quilting party, we tried to take her out to make up for it. Then she passed out before she had any fun. Poor thing just wanted to do body shots off a shirtless bartender and fell asleep before anything fun happened.”
“What is a body shot?”
“Wow, you two really are made for each other. A body shot is where you drink alcohol out of a strangers belly button.”
“Sounds unsanitary. And what if the person is an outie.”Sheldon cringes. “That doesn’t sound like Amy’s style.”
“Oh yeah, Amy hates it when attractive shirtless guys pay attention to her. All women do.” Penny says sarcastically and Sheldon cuts his eyes at her.
“Why is Amy so obsessed with fleeting encounters with shirtless men.”
“Because! She is getting married soon and her chance to do it is running out.”
“But she never did it before.” Sheldon points out.
“That’s the point! Amy wanted to let loose and get all wild out of her system before getting married. But the poor girl doesn’t know how to let loose.”
“I see.” Sheldon says worried.
“Don’t be worried Sheldon! She loves you. It’s just that she never really experienced a lot of things and she was trying to knock them out. But Sheldon she never even did any of it.”
“But she wanted too…”
“Yes, but Sheldon!”
“Sorry, Penny please excuse me.”
“Sheldon, please don’t be mad at her!” Penny calls out to him as he rushes out of her apartment.
Later that night…
Amy gets home from the market. The ingredients for Sheldon’s favorite meal in her bags. All day long something has been off with him. He won’t tell her what’s bothering him but she knows something his on his mind. So she is hoping spaghetti and little hot dogs with strawberry quick will coax it out of him. Only when she walks into their apartment all the lights are off. Was he so angry with her that he called it a night at only seven?
“Sheldon?” She calls anxiously.
Suddenly the light in the kitchen flicks on and Sheldon is standing behind the island shirtless. The sight of him semi-nude makes her mouth go dry. He is all soft light and shadows, and she can’t remember a time she has found him sexier. Her feet feel frozen to the ground has he walks around the island and sits on a bar stool crossing his long legs.
“Amy.” He answers his voice deep, striking a chord deep in her body.
“What are you doing.” She asks. He has only been shirtless in front of her on a handful of times. Usually during their scheduled lovemaking. Or the few times their bathroom time has overlapped. Once when he asked her to check a weird looking mole. Never has he been shirtless in the middle of their apartment.
“It was brought to my attention that you feel your life has been lacking because you have never drank alcohol out of a strangers navel.” He says raising one eyebrow and making her stomach do a funny flip-flop.
“Actually, I told Penny I thought that sound gross. I mean what if they are an outie.” Amy says.
“That’s what I asked as well. However as you can see, I have an innie.” Sheldon says indicating his belly. Trailing his hand down the fine trail of hair leading down below his belt. Amy licks her lips. Her hunger for him growing stronger and stronger.
“I see that.” She stutters. “What are exactly are you proposing?”
“Penny mentioned that you feel that one right of passage you never crossed was drinking alcohol out of a strange shirtless mans navel. I may not be strange to you. However I am a shirtless man.” He says and for the first time she notices the bottle beside him on the counter. Next to a bowl of limes and a shaker of salt.
“You want to do body shots… with me?”
“Unless you have objections.” He says and Amy rushes over to him.
“No, no objections.” She says eagerly . Then she puts both her shopping bags hastily in the fridge. “So how do we proceed?” Amy asks leaning against the counter with the most sex appeal she can muster.
“If we follow what I read online. I am supposed to lie on the counter flat. First you sprinkle salt down my stomach. Then fill my navel cavity with tequila. Then you lick the salt trail, drink the tequila, and follow it up with a lime wedge.”
“You’re okay with this.” Amy asks him. Taking off her sweater ,starting to feel hot and flushed.
“Would it please you to do this?” He asks.
“Then I am okay with it.” He says as he climbs on the counter and lies down. His arms crossed over his chest like a vampire. His eyes screwed shut.
“Sheldon we don’t have to do this.” Amy says starting to feel bad.
“Amy, I am already above my recommended height limit. Please make this effort worth my while.” He says pained.
“Alright, here I go.” Amy says nervously grabbing the salt shaker with trembling hands and making a light path down his happy trail. Then she uncaps the bottle of tequila and pours a measure onto his belly. He giggles and the liquid sloshes out. “Sheldon.” She scolds.